Lovergirl Syndrome Pt.2

 Dear Diary, 

    Apparently, getting ghosted once was not enough to keep me off dating apps.

    Now here comes Boys #3 and #4, respectively. I put them both at the same time, because I started talking to both at the same time. Boy #3, Jason, looked very similar to Calvin. Same height, race, ethnicity, and even hair! I wasn't expecting anything serious with Jason, just a fun summer fling. I went on my first actual "date" with Jason; He took me to the fair! Jason and I lasted around a month before I realized I was catching feelings. I decide to tell him (horrible mistake) and he breaks things off with me, while I'm at my sister's bridal shower! I mean seriously, he couldn't have picked any other day? 

    Now, we're on Boy #4, the latest (and most current) one. Let's call Boy #4 Lawyer Guy, or LG for short. My friends and I call him that because he works at a law firm, and he's in grad school on his way to law school. LG made it clear to me from the start that he wants something serious. At the time he told me that, I wasn't sure what I wanted, but I went with it. He's a bit older (24), and we started talking on Instagram. He kind of treated it like Snapchat, in the sense that he would send me live pictures of himself. He's cute, so I didn't mind it, but I don't like sending snaps back. So one day, I just left him on read. After two days of me "ghosting" him, he reached out again and basically told me off (in a gentle way). He said that it wasn't fair of me to waste his time, and I agreed. I apologized, and told him that if he's willing, I want to try again. We exchange numbers, and we've been talking ever since. This happened in early June, and it is currently September as I write this. 

    LG and I have only met up once, so far. Mostly because during the months of June-July, I was so focused on Jason, and LG went on a 3-week vacation with his family during that time. Right after he came back, he started a new job at another law firm. I should probably mention, every single guy I've mentioned so far, is a gym bro. I have a type and I stick to it! But LG is very strict. about his gym routine. He was even working out on vacation! Now, as someone who would rather eat barf than step foot in a gym, that seems insane to me. I mention this because LG has insane work hours, and goes to the gym right after, so he doesn't get back home until around 10-11pm. Because of this, he's been tired. But, after a couple weeks, he finally got adjusted to his routine and was finally ready to see me! But unfortunately, the day we're both "free" to see each other, is a day that we both have family events. Funnily enough, they're both wedding related. I had to attend a prayer for my sister's wedding, whereas he had to attend a wedding reception. One thing I should probably mention, LG and I have similar cultural backgrounds. He's Arab, and I'm South Asian. We both come from immigrant, muslim families. 

    Anyways, my event is in the morning, and his is in the late afternoon, which gave us around 2-3 hours with each other. It was one of the best three hours I've spent. He's a sweetheart. Since we didn't have a lot of time, we parked by a trail and just talked. But once we kissed, I knew I was a goner. I don't think I've ever been kissed like that. It wasn't lustful like I was used to; This one felt gentle. We were laughing and making jokes, it felt like all time stopped around us. 

me remembering that day

    But before we met up, I got some bad news that would alter my whole life. The news and how it would change me and my life is a separate post. For now, all I'll say is that once my family finds out, I'm basically going to be on lockdown. Knowing this, I wanted to make the best I can of the small amount of time I have with LG. I wanted to take thing further, physically. When I expressed this to him, he looked at me and said "are you sure?" That did throw me off guard a bit. Usually, in my experience, the guys would be practically begging me to go further. I told him that I'm sure and went in for another kiss. Instead of the steamy kisses we just shared, he turns it into a gentle one and tells me "We have all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere. I want to savor my time with you." That caused me to tear up (embarrassing, I know) and I end up telling him why I felt the need to speed things up with him. Well, I didn't tell him the whole truth, just that my family won't let me out of the house once they find out. He told me he understands, but it doesn't have to be "all or nothing," today. Since I was already emotional, that tipped me over the edge and I hugged him and cried in his shoulder. 

pov: LG comforting me

    I haven't told anyone the news before this. This was the first time I was actually voicing out my feelings about it. He comforted me and promised that he'll see me again. It's been about a month since then, and he's still around. We text everyday, or we try to. Sometimes, one of us will get busy and miss a day of texting, but overall we're still going strong. LG is the only man, out of the four, that I can see being a potential boyfriend. 

    I think the funniest part about all of this is that a year ago, I had basically zero experience with men, and now I somehow have an entire roster of lore. Each guy taught me something different, mostly about what I will and won’t tolerate. I’m still incredibly inexperienced, and probably still a little naive, but I think I’m slowly learning how to tell the difference between attention and actual care.

    As for LG, I don’t really know where this is going yet. And for once, I’m trying not to force myself to know. I like him, he makes me feel safe, and right now, that’s enough for me. I guess we’ll see what happens :)

xoxo, Keke♡