Dear Diary,
I've always been a deeply sensitive person, even though I like to pretend I'm not. I act like little comments, shifts in body language, or even a certain look don't bother me, when in reality, I spend probably 90% of my time overanalyzing every little thing. It's exhausting, honestly.
I'm not in the best place with my family right now, and for the past three weeks, I've done almost nothing but analyze and assess every little thing they do around me. Every comment, every look, every change in tone. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells.
The worst part is that sometimes it only takes one thing to completely throw me off. One look that feels different. One tone of voice that I recognize immediately. One comment that probably sounds harmless to everyone else. I can go from being completely fine to shutting down emotionally in a matter of seconds. In the moment, I get quiet and retreat into myself, but my brain doesn't let it end there. I'll replay it for hours, sometimes days, trying to figure out what they meant, why they said it like that, or if I did something wrong.
Whenever my sister, Willow, makes one of her little comments toward me, I can feel my heart sink. Sometimes my mom will immediately look at me afterward, almost like she's checking to see if I caught the not-so-subtle shade Willow just threw my way.
I always do. Every single time.
I know my sister well enough to know what she's actually saying, even when she doesn't say it outright. I know what certain comments mean. I know her tone. I know the looks. And every time, I shrug it off and act like it's no big deal because I'm used to it.
Which is partially true. I am used to it.
I just wish being used to it made me less sensitive to it.
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